I am sorry for being quiet

Quite recently I have taken a step back from blogging and communicating with bloggers on Twitter. You are probably wondering why or you might not care but I know I am not well. A lot of things have been going on at work recently and my dentist has told me I am suffering from anxiety. People have said to me well how does your dentist know? Well I am chewing the insides of my mouth constantly and causing my teeth problems. I am also grinding my teeth and the pain from biting all day is unbearable.

I won’t go into what has happened because I don’t know if people from work will read my blog. To be honest I hope they never do but you never know how much stalking people get up to.

It is a really difficult time for me at the moment and the constant crying at home has gotten out of hand. I promise I will be back but I just need some me time and to try and figure out what’s best for me.

If you’ve ever been in my situation, how did you manage?

Is doing too much damaging my body?

My life is up and down at the moment because of my health. One day I’m fine and the next my joints feel like they might snap or my mind thinks I haven’t slept for days. It definitely is a weird one and I never know how to describe it when someone asks but my problem is I have taken too much on and it’s making me ill.

What do I do each week?

As I’ve mentioned before I am in a theatre group on a Monday evening, I work Monday to Friday 08:30 – 5pm, I’m learning to play the ukulele, I also work for Avon and have many customers across my town, I’ve joined the gym this week (been twice so far) and finally I have to squeeze Michael (boyfriend) into my ridiculous schedule. I rarely have time to see my friends because I dedicate my time elsewhere and never think of myself.

Being bored is a huge thing I try to avoid. I am not one for staying it, it absolutely infuriates me because it’s such a waste of life however how much is too much? Well at the moment I certainly think it’s too much and I’m disappointed with myself that I’ve sacked off reading books and blogging. It’s kind of like you forget what is important to you but going to theatre and the gym makes me forget about the stress at work. These are my places to zone out and be free.

What’s happened?

I am just an idiot that doesn’t plan days very well but I used to be extremely good with this but since working full-time I feel like I’ve flopped on everything. Blogging and reading was always my number one thing when I was working part-time (plus Michael) and I was so excited to keep doing it. Ideas would pop into my head and I would interact more with the blogging community but I just don’t anymore.

My friends haven’t seen me in weeks because I just don’t have the time or if I have a night free, I just want to be alone. My next trip away is next weekend in Wales with the besties so that’ll give me a chance to chill out and rethink what’s right for me.

Do you take to much on? How do you deal with it?

I think I’m suffering from stress

So within the last two months my team at work has gone from three to one. Who’s the one? Yup, me. I am now doing three people’s job roles and there’s only one of me and I come with two hands and one brain. It was the day I was dreading to be left all alone and now I think I’m suffering from stress because of it. The funny thing is that I only started in January and now I am looking after Marketing.

My colleague left nearly two weeks ago and she dealt with the social media and the press releases. Yes this is easy to do, I know that but I’m responsible for so much more and after what has happened today, I would just like to walk out. Obviously I can’t because I need a job and marketing jobs don’t come up often where I live.

I love what I do, I feel I have developed many skills and still have a lot to learn but handling all of this at 24 on my own is an absolute nightmare. Last Friday I had a small nosebleed at work – 100% think it is stress related. My moods are any how, I have good days and today I have had a bad day hence why I am reflecting on life. Headaches, dizzy spells, teary eyes, severe tiredness, can’t talk about work without getting upset – is this even normal?

We are currently recruiting for someone to come and help me but it could take up to two months. TWO MONTHS?! Who waits that long, I certainly can’t handle that. My meeting with the MD went well yesterday as I felt positive and on top of things but when you’re the only one in the Marketing Department, you are the one getting bombarded with emails and requests. Yay for me!

I think what bothers me is I don’t have someone to say ‘oh would you mind dealing with this please?’ No-one to fob anything off to or answer the phone whilst you’re trying to do something. I have such an array of things to do and I like making lists, ticking off the things I have done and then adding more. Those things are not a problem for me, I go into major panic mode when all of a sudden everything goes wrong and someone wants you here, there and then somewhere else.

If only we were able to pause time and make the surroundings just stop for a minute. If anyone is called Bernard and you have a watch, hit me up please.  

The return to Sierentz, France

I arrived back into France on Wednesday evening and I have to say, I am so happy to be back. The children were waiting for me all day but I didn’t arrive until 10:30pm so they were asleep. Next morning the two girls ran at me and gave me the biggest hug, it was so sweet.

Tonight I will be going out with other au pairs from the local area for the first time, we’re attending a small ‘gig’ type talent night in Sierentz. I haven’t met these girls yet but it will be quite nice having other people to travel around with.

We are only two days in and already I don’t want to leave France but come October 23rd I will be making a 12 hour journey back to the UK on a coach. Unfortunately I cannot stay for longer as the family have found another au pair until Christmas – whoever they are, they have picked a great family.

If you lose your job, you are fed up with what you are doing or you are at university with the summer break to fill up, being an au pair is an experience I think you should consider. It is so rewarding (not money) but life experience, you get to be within other cultures, learn languages (well try), try new food, meet new people and the best of all TRAVEL. Yes this may have left me in the shit for when I run out of money but money cannot buy what I am doing right now. I am at my happiest and I can’t remember what being stressed and unappreciated feels like.

Attitude.jpg

Just remember you are your own person and only you can control what happens in your life. Paths may be good to follow but you need to think of yourself when taking another step forward. Life is short, make each day count and do not regret your decisions.

 

Life lessons

Since I was 16 I have always worked. Since being made redundant my life and how I see things has completely changed. I came across an article a few weeks ago of a girl who quit her job because she wanted to go travelling for 6 months and she had a good job as well. She wasn’t afraid of what might happen next, she took the plunge and just did what she wanted to do. That article inspired me and now looking at what happened 2 weeks ago, I am glad I was made redundant.

basel

Basel, Basle – Switzerland

Life Lesson:

Put yourself first and if you see an exciting opportunity do not hold back, just go for it and never regret the things you have done. Now is the time to be selfish and to go for random experiences rather than sitting back and letting time go by. As Nike would say, just do it.

“To my mind, the greatest reward and luxury of travel
is to be able to experience
everyday things as if for the first time,
to be in a position in which
almost nothing is so familiar it is taken for granted.”
-Bill Bryson