I am sorry for being quiet

Quite recently I have taken a step back from blogging and communicating with bloggers on Twitter. You are probably wondering why or you might not care but I know I am not well. A lot of things have been going on at work recently and my dentist has told me I am suffering from anxiety. People have said to me well how does your dentist know? Well I am chewing the insides of my mouth constantly and causing my teeth problems. I am also grinding my teeth and the pain from biting all day is unbearable.

I won’t go into what has happened because I don’t know if people from work will read my blog. To be honest I hope they never do but you never know how much stalking people get up to.

It is a really difficult time for me at the moment and the constant crying at home has gotten out of hand. I promise I will be back but I just need some me time and to try and figure out what’s best for me.

If you’ve ever been in my situation, how did you manage?

Taking up a new hobby

I already snow myself under with absolutely everything. My blog is a hobby, I am in a theatre group on Monday’s, I read a lot, I Netflix most of the time, I do Avon after work and now I am considering taking up the ukulele. It is rather random but I am currently following one on Shpock and it looks so cute and I need it in my life.

Although I am so predictable. I joined the National Trust so I can go out and explore more and I have used it once since April – what an idiot. I know if I buy this I will attempt to play it probably for the first week and then it’ll gather dust. I am beyond predictable but I absolutely adore music. Do I buy it and just risk it?! To be honest I should just put a schedule together and then I might actually stick to something in my life.

One thing that is preventing me from snapping up the deal is my concerns about my joint hypermobility. My fingers are easily affected by over usage hence why I have always avoided the guitar. I don’t really fancy making it worse as it is coming up to winter and I will be crying like a baby.

I would love some feedback on your experiences with a ukulele please (if you have any). Do you enjoy playing it? When did you start playing it? Have you ever thought about playing it?

I think I’m suffering from stress

So within the last two months my team at work has gone from three to one. Who’s the one? Yup, me. I am now doing three people’s job roles and there’s only one of me and I come with two hands and one brain. It was the day I was dreading to be left all alone and now I think I’m suffering from stress because of it. The funny thing is that I only started in January and now I am looking after Marketing.

My colleague left nearly two weeks ago and she dealt with the social media and the press releases. Yes this is easy to do, I know that but I’m responsible for so much more and after what has happened today, I would just like to walk out. Obviously I can’t because I need a job and marketing jobs don’t come up often where I live.

I love what I do, I feel I have developed many skills and still have a lot to learn but handling all of this at 24 on my own is an absolute nightmare. Last Friday I had a small nosebleed at work – 100% think it is stress related. My moods are any how, I have good days and today I have had a bad day hence why I am reflecting on life. Headaches, dizzy spells, teary eyes, severe tiredness, can’t talk about work without getting upset – is this even normal?

We are currently recruiting for someone to come and help me but it could take up to two months. TWO MONTHS?! Who waits that long, I certainly can’t handle that. My meeting with the MD went well yesterday as I felt positive and on top of things but when you’re the only one in the Marketing Department, you are the one getting bombarded with emails and requests. Yay for me!

I think what bothers me is I don’t have someone to say ‘oh would you mind dealing with this please?’ No-one to fob anything off to or answer the phone whilst you’re trying to do something. I have such an array of things to do and I like making lists, ticking off the things I have done and then adding more. Those things are not a problem for me, I go into major panic mode when all of a sudden everything goes wrong and someone wants you here, there and then somewhere else.

If only we were able to pause time and make the surroundings just stop for a minute. If anyone is called Bernard and you have a watch, hit me up please.  

Why you should relax – do it!

I have recently been suffering with a very painful back, shoulders and neck due to the chair at work not giving me the support I need. However, I decided to visit my local beautician for an Indian Head Massage. I have had one of these before and I felt so much better afterwards, my head was clear, the knots in my back had gone and my mood lifted. With the impressive results last time I thought that it might help me this time and my word it really did.

What is an Indian Head Massage?

Well I can’t give you an actual definition because I don’t know the meaning. Jasmine, my beautician from Beauty at Pelo, Swadlincote only charges a bargain price of £25 for one hour and fifteen minutes of absolute heaven. Your shoulders, back and neck are lightly covered in an oil to soften the skin. There is a lot of thumb and arm work involved during the massage. Today I could feel the knots crunching and I had so many of them – no wonder I was in pain. You should have seen the smile on my face as they were being demolished! Plus, I had relaxation music on in the background so I got to completely switch off from the world, it was wonderful.

The session then moves onto your head and face. AHH I love my hair being played with, love it love it love it. This is another reason I choose to have an Indian Head Massage because your whole scalp is massaged and then she moves onto circular techniques on your face (if you suffer with migraines, give this a go).

I never want it to end, I honestly cannot say how better I feel, I have a clear mind, my back, neck and shoulders are no longer in pain and I’m in a great mood! If you have a beautician please consider this if the option is available. I just want to say a big thank you to Jasmine for being such a lovely lady, she’s really helped me today.

 

My invisible illness means I am just fine

I have written a post before about my Joint Hypermobility and how everyone is extremely judgemental when it comes to a young person sitting down on public transport without considering others. Wait, no that is not the case. You have no idea that I could be needing this seat and to be honest I do not need to justify myself to anyone. Readers thoughts ‘Oh God she’s off ranting again.’ YES I FRICKEN AM!

As you know I have had to take on a Christmas Temp job in retail because no bloody soul will give me a nice office job. Thing is, it is making me ill again and I have no motivation to do anything else because I am physically exhausted – YAY thanks Fibromyalgia you bitch. STOP telling me working in retail is easy because 1) it is not, I have to put up with people speaking to me like dirt 2) I work unnecessariliy over the Christmas period so people can buy ‘bargains’ – don’t do this please and 3) everyday takes its toll on my joints despite what I might be doing.

For example, yesterday I worked 09:30 – 17:30 which is a normal day, not too long and I have done this many times before. However, for some reason my body decided to hate me and cause me to be in that much pain I needed to take Codeine but I forced myself to not go down the painkiller route. I hobble around, I shut myself down because my mood is incredibly low and people will think it is because of them but it really isn’t. This is where the Fibro kicks in, I am that drained I can’t concentrate and make little mistakes. I forget how to spell, I forget what I am doing, previously forgotten how to say certain words and my eyes feel constantly blury when I look around. You might say ‘Oh you’re just tired, put your feet up and get an early night.’ Yeah okay I’ll take your advice and see how it doesn’t cure me. Never thought of that before.

Today I feel awful hence why I am writing this blog post as I can’t cope with people saying I have it easy and that my job is a ‘piece of piss’. Yeah it might be and I enjoy my job even though I am looking for an alternative but why should I go out, work my ass off to come home and be ill when so many people can work and just can’t be arsed to get off their backside so they claim. <– Ah sorry for the long sentence. Ergh, I am not entitled to any sort of PIP because I’m not severe enough but I still go to bloody work.

Point of this post is, I am angry people are telling me I’ll be fine or yeah just apply for anything cos it’ll be better than what you’re doing now. I don’t think so, my manager is so understanding and whilst I am looking for a Social Media / Marketing Assistant job I am still scared that an office job will tire me out. Just watch what you’re saying before making assumptions please.

I want to work at home doing what I love, that’s all I want.

My goals for 2017

This year has been pretty crazy for me as a lot has happened with my career and where I was living. Most will know I quit one job to become a Content Writer and then I was made redundant as a Content Writer to then jetting off to France for six weeks to work as an au pair. Yep, I am a little explorer and I have got to say whilst I was away from the UK and work it was the most incredible experience and to be honest I would go again.

I will admit that since I have come back to the UK my mood has been quite low because I am not progressing with things. I am lucky in a sense to be working as a Temporary Christmas Sales Assistant as it is a source of income but unfortunately it isn’t a lot.

So what will I be changing?

This list is one I need to look back on in a years time and see what changes I made and how far I came. It is so strange that the next year of my life is completely unpredictable and it is quite exciting.

  • Get a job in what I want to do (media, social media or marketing)
  • Continue to grow my Avon and making it a success
  • Go on holiday with Michael
  • Buy a new car
  • Read more books
  • Lose weight (I say this every flipping month)
  • I want to concentrate on my blog more and make it bigger and better!
  • Visit more places at the weekends

I do think these goals are achievable and I will work extremely hard to get there. I can’t let my current situation ruin my self-esteem and mood.

What are your 2017 goals?

How to fall asleep without taking tablets

Are you tired and tired of taking pills to help you sleep? Well I have been struggling to sleep for a while now, I’m tired during the day but then when I get into bed I feel like I could stay awake for another hour or two. It starts to take its toll on you, bags are getting darker under my eyes, mood swings and finally, my energy is completely sucked from my body. Yep, if you’ve ticked all of those boxes like me then I may have something that could help you – read on.

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So since joining Avon I have been able to experiment with various products that they sell. I came across the ‘Pillow Sleep Mist’ with the free Avon products I received and now I can’t be without it!

How does it work?

Well I spray it 3-4 times on either side of my pillow and the lavender scent instantly relaxes your mind. For me I have been able to fall asleep within 15-20 minutes of using this rather than an hour later. It has 5 star ratings on the Avon website and I am yet to review it because I have slept all the way through the night. I wake up feeling refreshed and so pleased that I wasn’t disturbed.

If you would like to purchase this, please visit: http://www.avon.uk.com/store/SJSMITH-Shop and type in ‘sleep mist’ in the search bar.